Therapy
by Nicole11
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all going to therapy. Harry admits to being a drug dealer, Hermione discovers her love for Ron, and Ron talks about EVERYTHING in his life... and i mean everything. *LAST CHAPTER* w/ Voldemort!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story besides Patty Bates.  
  
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Chapter 1: Harry's Session  
  
"Honestly, we don't need a stupid shrink!" Ron yelled one afternoon in the common room.  
  
"Ron, will you keep your voice down!" Hermione whispered harshly. "I don't want people thinking that we're insane."  
  
"Too late." Ginny said casually as she walked by.  
  
"Shut the hell up Gin!" Ron yelled at his sister's back as she walked through the portrait hole.  
  
"Don't swear." Hermione said as she packed up her backpack.  
  
"You're not my mum." Ron said, crossing his arms.  
  
"But you're being a baby." Hermione said.  
  
"Would you two just shut up." Harry said. They fought at least twice a day, and he was getting tired of it. "Come on, we're going to be late."  
  
As the three of them walked out of the common room, and headed toward Dumbledore's office for their first session, Ron asked, "What's this quacks name again?"  
  
"Patty Bates." Hermione said. "And don't call her a quack." Ron glared at her. "She's a professional psychiatrist."  
  
"It isn't that hard to tell people that they're loony and need to be locked up." Ron mumbled coldly as they reached the entrance to Dumbledore's office and said the pass word.  
  
"Who's going first?" Hermione whispered as they sat quietly and waited for Mrs. Bates.  
  
"Not me." Ron said quickly.  
  
"You can go Harry." Hermione said, not wanting to go first either. Harry sighed and nodded.  
  
Just then, Dumbledore's office door opened and a skinny but tall lady came out. She had short brown hair that was curly and wore half moon glasses that were outlined in black plastic. She had an oddly long neck and reminded Harry of his Aunt Petunia.  
  
"Who's first?" She asked in a gentle voice. Harry got up reluctantly and entered the office.  
  
"So, Harry, how have you been?" Mrs. Bates asked as she sat down in a chair and motioned for Harry to do the same in a chair across from her.  
  
"I'm fine, I guess." Harry said. Mrs. Bates nodded and started writing something on a piece of parchment that was on her lap. "Ummm, why am I here?" Mrs. Bates looked up from her parchment and smiled warmly.  
  
"You and your friends have been through a lot in the past few years" She said, shaking her head. "Now, Why don't you tell me about your friends." She said, suddenly perky again.  
  
"Well, Ron and Hermione are my best friends." Harry said, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"And are they good friends?" Mrs. Bates asked, eyeing Harry. "Do they pressure you to do things? Are they drug users?"  
  
"No." Harry laughed, trying to imagine Hermione being a druggie.  
  
"Come on Harry." Mrs. Bates said encouragingly. "I'm hip, I won't tell the cops."  
  
"Really, we don't do drugs." Harry said, trying not to laugh.  
  
"Do you have sexual intercourse?" Mrs. Bates asked. When Harry didn't answer she said, "Ever bang a couple of chicks? A little romp in the sack?"  
  
Harry shook his head, coughing to hold back his laughter.  
  
"No?" She asked. "Okay." She wrote something down, then looked intently at Harry. "So, Harry," she said casually. "Are you gay? Bisexual? A transvestite?" Harry shook his head and coughed a few more times. "Every dressed in drag?"  
  
"No." Harry said, trying to hide his smile.  
  
"So you're saying that you are attracted to woman?" She asked. Harry nodded. "Oh, I see." She put her pen down and straightened up a little. "Do I turn you on, Harry?"  
  
Harry didn't know what to say to this. He thought about screaming "hell no!" and running out of the room, but that seemed a bit harsh. So he just broke down in laughter.  
  
"Harry, I would appreciate it if you stayed professional." Mrs. Bates said in a strict voice.  
  
"Sorry." Harry said, whipping the tears from his eyes.  
  
"Now," Mrs. Bates said, looking completely professional. "Do you and your hommies ever go out and get high?"  
  
"My. hommies?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"You know, your dogs, your posse, your crew, your home chizzles." She said, making a gang sign with her hands.  
  
"Ummm, no." Harry said.  
  
"Ah, right." She said, putting her hands down and writing something else on the parchment. "One last question Harry." She said, completely casually. "Are you and your friends in a gang?"  
  
"No."  
  
"How about a cult?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you worship Satan in any way?" she asked, eyeing him closely.  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you sell crack, Harry?" She asked. "You know, dope maybe a little cocaine here and there?"  
  
Harry was fed up with being asked these outrageous questions, so he said, "As a matter of fact, I do sell drugs."  
  
"Really?" She said, putting down her pen and looking at him.  
  
"Oh, yeah, all the time." Harry said dismissively. "Me and Ron grow the weed ourselves. Then we sell it to the first years." He said, leaning back in his chair.  
  
"Uh huh." She said, looking interested.  
  
"Then we use the extra cash to pay for the hookers that come to our common room every night." Harry said coolly.  
  
"Very interesting." Mrs. Bates said, shifting in her seat. "Now, Harry, do you know where I could buy some of this weed? You know, hypothetically?" She asked, winking at Harry.  
  
"Oh, look at the time." Harry said, glancing at his watch. "Times up, all well." Mrs. Bates looked a little disappointed. "I'll tell Hermione to come in." Harry said, and quickly bolted for the door.  
  
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A/N: Do you like it? I always knew that those shrinks were insane! REVIEW! 


	2. Hermione's Session

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone except Patty Bates. J. K. Rowling obviously owns all of the good characters.  
  
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Chapter 2: Hermione's session  
  
"It's your turn Mione." Harry said, walking out of the office and shaking his head.  
  
"Was it really that bad?" Hermione asked nervously.  
  
"That woman's insane." Harry sighed, sitting down next to Ron. "She thinks that she's from the ghetto."  
  
Hermione bit her lip uneasily and walked in. Mrs. Bates was sitting in a chair, writing something down.  
  
She doesn't seem insane to me. Hermione thought. And she definitely doesn't look ghetto. The way that Harry was going on I was expecting her to have a bling-bling on or something. Hermione silently laughed and thought, Oh my, did I just say 'bling-bling'?  
  
"Please sit down Hermione." Mrs. Bates said warmly. "So, how are your classes?"  
  
"Very well thank you." Hermione said politely.  
  
"You seem to be taking a lot of courses." Mrs. Bates said, examining a very long list in front of her. "Do you feel overwhelmed with the amount of work you have?"  
  
"Oh, no." Hermione said. "I've always been very studious. Ron says that I'm a bookworm." She said, smiling a little.  
  
"Do you play any sports?" Mrs. Bates asked.  
  
"No." Hermione answered. "I'm not very good at Quiddtitch. I love to watch it though. Harry is the Gryffindor Seeker. Ron's the Keeper this year, he's spent most of his life on a broom." She laughed. "I'm horrible at flying. Ron says it because I can't learn it out of a book." Hermione said.  
  
"Ah, and Ron is.?" Mrs. Bates asked, eyeing Hermione closely.  
  
"Just a friend." Hermione said quickly. "He's a bit obnoxious at time, however."  
  
"How so?" She asked, writing something down.  
  
"Well, he always bugs me about Viktor." Hermione sighed. Mrs. Bates looked confused. "He's my boyfriend. Ron use to be obsessed with Viktor, because he's a professional Quidditch player, and Ron loves anything that's Quidditch." She laughed. "But ever since Viktor and I started going out, Ron has seemed really bitter. He's being childish." Mrs. Bates opened her mouth to say something about that, but Hermione quickly added, "But I don't want to talk about Ron."  
  
"Okay." Mrs. Bates said, writing more down. "So, do you have trouble at school because you come from a muggle family?"  
  
"Only from Malfoy." Hermione said angrily. "He's absolutely horrible to me. But Ron sticks up for me, he's very loyal to his friends." She said with a smile.  
  
"You know," Mrs. Bates said, moving her glasses down her nose so she could see Hermione better. "Ron seems to have a bit of a crush-"  
  
"No! No he doesn't, we're just friends." Hermione said quickly. "I mean, he teases me all the time. He can't like me." Mrs. Bates eyes Hermione again. "And, besides, even if he did, I'm going out with Vincent- I mean Viktor!" Hermione said, almost hysterically.  
  
"Okay." Mrs. Bates said, looking very scared. She quickly looked at her watch and let out a sigh of relief. "Times up!" She said, practically pushing Hermione out of the door.  
  
"I swear! We're just friends!" Hermione yelled just as Mrs. Bates slammed the door in her face.  
  
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A/N: Well, it's kinda obvious who Hermione likes, now isn't it? She wouldn't stop talking about him! !!!!!!!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Ron's Session

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the stupid shrink. But once Ron goes up on Ebay, I will own him too!!! Muhahahahaha!  
  
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Chapter 3: Ron's Session  
  
After a few minutes, Mrs. Bates opened the door again and said, "Ronald, I believe it's your turn."  
  
Ron got up and started to walk into the office. Hermione quickly got up from where she was and started to walk toward the office. She had her mouth open and was about to say something.  
  
"Stay back!" Mrs. Bates yelled with wide eyes, holding up her hand. She quickly closed the door, and rested her back against it, breathing heavily like she had just been chased by a heard of rinos.  
  
Ron looked at Mrs. Bates strangely. She quickly composed herself, smoothed out her hair, and sat down in front of Ron.  
  
"Now," She said, smoothing out her skirt and grabbing her quill and parchment. "How is school going?"  
  
"Don't try to fool me, I know your sick ways." Ron said, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair.  
  
"I'm afraid I don't understand." Mrs. Bates said innocently.  
  
"Don't try your mind tricks on me." Ron said smartly. "I'm not getting sucked into your little psycho world."  
  
"Ronald," Mrs. Bates said gently, looking at him intently. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
"No!" Ron said defensively. Mrs. Bates said some 'Uh huh's and 'interesting's as she wrote more down on her parchment.  
  
"What are you writing?" Ron asked, trying to see the parchment, but Mrs. Bates quickly flipped it over. "I'm the patient, you're writing stuff about me so I should see it. You shouldn't keep stuff from the patient, it could weaken our already poor relationship." Ron said this all very quickly.  
  
"I've been pondering the theory that you might have some sort of phobia." Mrs. Bates said knowingly, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Don't use big word to confuse me!" Ron said angrily. "Once Hermione explains to me what you just said, I'm going to kick your ass for whatever the hell that meant!"  
  
"You seem very unwilling to let down you guard." Mrs. Bates observed quietly, completely unaffected by Ron's outburst.  
  
"Well, I have to be, with five brothers and all." Ron said, softening his voice a little.  
  
"That must have been very hard." She said.  
  
"Yeah, it was." Ron said like he had just discovered it himself. "I guess it all started when Fred turned my teddy into a spider."  
  
A half hour later, Ron had poured his heart out, and Mrs. Bates seemed bored to the point of suicide. Luckily, there weren't any sharp objects in the room. Ron was laying in the chair, his head was on one of the arm rests, and his legs were hanging off of the other. Mrs. Bates was slouched down in her chair, trying not to fall asleep.  
  
".and I haven't been able to look a monkey in the face since." Ron sighed, finishing his hundredth story about his childhood. "And that about covers preschool."  
  
"Uh huh." Mrs. Bates said dully, rolling her eyes when Ron wasn't looking.  
  
"Now, my first day of kindergarten was very traumatic." Ron started, but Mrs. Bates cut him off.  
  
"Why don't we fast forward to the present." Mrs. Bates said unenthusiastically, not even bothering to write something down.  
  
"Well, the only thing that has happened to my this year is discover that I'm in love with Hermione." Ron said casually, like he was discussing finding a penny on the street.  
  
"Really?" Mrs. Bates asked, sitting up in her chair.  
  
"Yeah." Ron said.  
  
"And you only discovered that this year?" She asked excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, I found out my love for her about the time I found out that Harry has a tail." Ron said casually, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
Mrs. Bates sat there, her mouth hanging open, for a few moments. Then, pulling herself together she said, "Now, is this tail a side effect from the drugs that Mr. Potter takes?" Ron looked at her oddly. "Or does he just sell them?"  
  
Ron was about to ask her what the hell she was talking about when Mrs. Bates said, "Oh, time's up." She pushed Ron out of the door as he tried to tell her how emotionally scaring it was for him when he went to the zoo and could have sworn that the hyenas were laughing at him.  
  
"You three can just go back to your common room." Mrs. Bates said to Hermione, Ron, and Harry. "I just have to write a report on this session for Dumbledore." Just when Hermione was about to protest to having feelings for Ron, Harry was about to say that he was having a special sale on crack, and Ron was about to talk about how his father use to call him girl names, Mrs. Bates slammed the door in their faces. She sighed loudly and walked over to a desk to write the report. It said;  
  
Harry Potter: A quiet boy who often deals drugs to young students. He has trouble being serious and protests strongly to being labeled gay. Over all I'd say that he has many insecurities. One of the main ones is, of course, that he has a tail.  
  
Hermione Granger: Objects to the suggestion that she and Mr. Weasley have feeling for each other, but it became clear to me that her feelings were strong when she couldn't remember her boyfriends name. Overall, she is extremely annoying and I suggest that she be hospitalized and have her head examined.  
  
Ronald Weasley: He seemed very unwilling to open up.at first. I got a very vivid picture of his childhood.almost too vivid, really. He is in love with Hermione Granger, and confirmed that Mr. Potter does indeed have a tail. I suggest that he has his mouth surgically closed so that no other human has to endure the same hell that I went through.  
  
Overall; they are all completely mad and need more professional help then I can give. Please sent them to the loony bin for the better good of the entire world. But before you send Harry there, please ask him to send me some cocaine. for no use of my own, of course.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Patty Bates  
  
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A/N: That's it. If it sucks, too bad. It took me three seconds to write, so there. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!! Thankz! 


	4. Draco and Lucius' Session

I was so happy when people reviewed my story 'Therapy'! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Thranx gave me the idea of doing a Draco and Father session, and DracoFan17 also told me to add a Draco session. So here it is! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except Mrs. Bates the shrink.  
  
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Chapter 4: Draco and Lucius' Session  
  
"This is absolutely absurd." Lucius said stubbornly, crossing his arms. He and Draco were sitting on two chairs outside of Dumbledore's office, waiting for their psychiatrist.  
  
"First Potter, and now us? What is this world coming too?" Draco asked coldly, trying to be like his father.  
  
"Potter came here?" Lucius asked angrily, turning to his son. Draco nodded nervously. "That's it! We're leaving! I'll be damned before I do something Potter does!"  
  
Just as Lucius was getting ready to storm out of the room, Dumbledore's office door opened, and Mrs. Bates appeared.  
  
"Are we ready?" She asked, as if she were talking to children. Lucius reluctantly followed his son into the office, but not before giving Mrs. Bates a dirty look.  
  
The psychiatrist sat down in her usual chair, and Lucius and Draco sat on opposite sides of the room. Mrs. Bates motioned for them to move their chairs closer together. Each Malfoy moved their chair about a centimeter. Mrs. Bates sighed loudly, got up, and walked over to Draco's chair. She pushed it with such force that it ran into Lucius' chair, making him topple over onto the ground. Lucius glared at Mrs. Bates as he sat back down and tried to fixed his hair.  
  
"Now," Mrs. Bates said calmly. "Draco, tell me about your dad."  
  
"Don't tell my son what to do!" Lucius yelled. He obviously wasn't enjoying their session so far.  
  
"Well, Father's a very noble man." Draco began proudly.  
  
"Do you always call him father?" Mrs. Bates cut in.  
  
"Of course he does!" Lucius yelled angrily. "It's respectful."  
  
Mrs. Bates glared at him, and continued talking to Draco. "Does your father frighten you Draco?"  
  
Draco looked around the room nervously and leaned in closer to Mrs. Bates. "Sometimes." He whispered.  
  
"What?!" Lucius asked angrily, glaring at his son.  
  
"Well, father," Draco said, his voice shaking a little. "You always yell at me." He said with a sniffle. "And I just wish."  
  
"What Draco?" Mrs. Bates asked encouragingly. "What do you wish."  
  
"S-sometimes I just wish that he would t-treat me like an equal." Draco stuttered, his bottom lip shaking. Suddenly, Draco burst into tears. Lucius sighed loudly in annoyance.  
  
"Do you share these feelings with your friends?" Mrs. Bates asked kindly.  
  
"Oh, no. I'm a bad ass." Draco said, daintily blowing his nose on a lacey pink handkerchief. "I don't have any friends."  
  
Mrs. Bates looked at him sympathetically.  
  
"You seem to be very in touch with your feeling Draco." Mrs. Bates observed.  
  
"I've always thought so." Draco said with a sniffle.  
  
"Do you think that, perhaps, your gay?" She asked, tilting her head to the side in a sympathetic way.  
  
"Oh course he isn't!" Luscius yelled. "My boy isn't some pansy!"  
  
"Now Lucius." Mrs. Bates said calmly. "I'd like Draco to answer that question for himself." She looked intently at Draco.  
  
"Perhaps.." Draco said quietly, dabbing his eyes with pink hanky.  
  
"OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!" Lucius screamed, standing up. He was just about to say some very rude things to Draco and the psychiatrist when the door opened.  
  
"Draky!" Pansy screamed, running over to Draco and attacking him. She was hugging him so tight, Draco was afraid he might pass out.  
  
"And who is this?" Mrs. Bates asked curiously.  
  
"I'm Pansy Parkinson." She said, covering Draco's face in kisses. "I'm Draky's girlfriend." She then leaned over and whispered in Mrs. Bates' ear, "And future wife."  
  
"Pansy, you can't be my girlfriend." Draco said logically.  
  
"And why not?!" Pansy asked, sitting on Draco's lap.  
  
"Because I'm gay." Draco said seriously. Pansy burst out in laughter.  
  
"Oh, silly Draky-Wakey-Poopypants." Pansy said in a childish voice, ruffling Draco's hair.  
  
"Seriously Pansy, I'm gay." Draco said as Pansy tried to un-stick her fingers from his gelled down hair. Pansy's face went from a stupid grin to a very confused face.  
  
"Don't worry Draky," Pansy said completely serious. "Just give me a few days to schedule a sex change, and then we can be together FOREVER!" She then wrapped Draco in another tight hug.  
  
"I have to go make an appointment with Dr. Applegate." She said, getting up and heading for the door, winking at Draco before she left.  
  
"I don't think she needs a sex change to look like a man." Mrs. Bates muttered under her breath. "Anywho," She said in a perky voice. "You two can leave."  
  
Lucius glared at Mrs. Bates one more time and got up from his seat.  
  
"Come on Draco." He barked. Draco got up reluctantly, but then turned to Mrs. Bates.  
  
"Thank you for the session." He said. "It was fabulous!" He added in a sing-songy voice.  
  
Mrs. Bates shook her head as Draco and his Father closed the door behind them. She picked up her quill and parchment, and started to write a note to Dumbledore.  
  
Lucius Malfoy: And absolutely horrible person. I dislike him very much, and hope that he dies sometime soon.  
  
Draco Malfoy: Discovered that he was gay (be surprise there). I suggest that he cut back on the hair gel, it looks like he's wearing a helmet. I worry that the excessive amount of gel in his hair disrupts the thinking process in his head, which is already at a dangerously low percentage.  
  
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A/N: Was it good? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW: Did I spell Draco's father's name right? 


	5. Dumbledore's session

MeliFlames gave me the idea to have Dumbledore have a session of therapy, because he obviously needs it. So thank you MeliFlames! Here it is! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: The only thing in this whole story that I own is Mrs. Bates. My life is sad.  
  
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Chapter 5: Dumbledore's Session  
  
Mrs. Bates was just packing up her briefcase, when the door opened again.  
  
"Oh, hello Albus." Mrs. Bates said, shuffling a couple of papers.  
  
"Do you think, that you might have time for one more session?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"For who?" Mrs. Bates asked, grabbing her quill and parchment.  
  
"Me." Dumbledore said with a smile. Mrs. Bates looked at him strangely so he said, "Mr. Potter said that you were absolutely mad, so I decided to find out for myself."  
  
"Very well..." Mrs. Bates said, reluctantly sitting down in her chair. Dumbledore walked up to the chair he was suppose to sit in. He pulled out his wand, muttered a few words, and changed the chair into a couch. He laid on it, and made himself comfortable.  
  
"So, Dumbledore," Mrs. Bates said kindly. "Did you ever fight with your father?"  
  
"Oh, no." Dumbledore said honestly. "I don't like to fight with monkeys."  
  
"Pardon?" Mrs. Bates asked, completely lost.  
  
"Well, I did one time." Dumbledore said, ignoring Mrs. Bates' question. "But that was because he threw a banana at me."  
  
"Your father threw a banana at you?" She asked, trying to get everything straight.  
  
"No, the monkey did." Dumbledore laughed. "Or was it a trashcan?" He asked himself thoughtfully. "Either way, I haven't been able to have sex since."  
  
Mrs. Bates cringed at this statement. "Let's not touch that topic just yet." Mrs. Bates said with a forced laugh. Or ever. She thought with disgust.  
  
"What would you like to talk about then?" Dumbledore asked nicely. Mrs. Bates had just opened her mouth when Dumbledore said, "Did you know that I only have one testical?"  
  
"Oh, really?" Mrs. Bates asked, wanting to run out of the room that very second. "How..... interesting." She lied.  
  
"I've always thought so." Dumbledore said with a smile. "But whenever I try and show it to the facility, they run screaming out of the room before I can pull my pants down all the way."  
  
"Okay!" Mrs. Bates said in a forced/happy voice. "I think that times up!"  
  
"The priest of my church was always interested in seeing my one testical." Dubledore said thoughtfully. "I was an alter server there." He told Mrs. Bates with a smile.  
  
Mrs. Bates quickly got up from her seat and screamed, "TIME'S UP!" Dumbledore was still talking about how he wore a bra when he was in highschool, and didn't seem like he was going to move anytime soon. So Mrs. Bates, a gleam of insanity in her eyes, pushed Dumbledore's couch out the door and into the hallway. She quickly slammed the door.  
  
Mrs. Bates quickly walked over to a desk, and started writing a letter.  
  
Dear Professor McGonagall,  
  
As you are probably already aware, Dumbledore is completely crazy and scares the living daylights out of me. I advise that he be killed, but that's just a suggestion.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Mrs. Bates  
  
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A/N: Sorry it's so short! I didn't know what else to do, Dumbledore's already crazy. REVIEW! Thanx! 


	6. Voldemort's Session

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. J. K. Rowling does. So complain to her if this sucks.  
  
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Chapter 6: Voldemort's Session  
  
"Okay, can you do the dandelion dance with me?" Came a voice from the TV.  
  
"Sure I can Steve!" Voldemort said happily to the television. He quickly got up from his seat and started dancing along with the characters on Blues Clues. Voldie was just starting to get his groove on the doorbell rang.  
  
"Be gone with you!" Voldemort yelled angrily at the door, as he spun around and shook his butt to the music. The door bell rang again. Voldemort sighed loudly, and opened the door.  
  
"Hello Mr. Voldemort. I believe we have a session today?" Mrs. Bates said kindly, looking at Voldemort's Miss. Piggy night gown.  
  
"Oh, right." He said, turning off the TV just as Steve started to sing the 'mail song.'  
  
"Now, I understand that you're a very violent person." Mrs. Bates said, consulting her notes.  
  
"That is correct." Voldemort said, putting on his Scooby Doo slippers and sitting down in front of Mrs. Bates.  
  
"So, why don't we try to find the root of that problem." She said.  
  
"What problem?" Voldemort asked, furrowing his brow.  
  
"Your violence problem." Mrs. Bates said slowly.  
  
"That's not a problem!" Voldemort laughed. "It's the solution to my problems."  
  
"Can you give me an example?" She asked.  
  
"If someone is mean to me, I kill them." Voldemort said with a smile. "If they forget to put pickles on my hamburger, I kill them." He now had an evil glare in his eyes. "If someone steals my stuffed unicorn- Daisy!" Voldemort cried, his lip trembling and tears in his eyes. He quickly recovered, whipped the tear from his face, and said, "I kill them. So, you see, I only kill people when it is absolutely necessary."  
  
Mrs. Bates scooted her chair further away from were Voldemort was sitting.  
  
"Okie-dokie." She said with forced happiness. "So, does your violence pro- I mean, solution, have anything to do with you father leaving you at a young age?"  
  
"Absolutely not." Voldemort said happily. "I hate my father with the fire of a thousand suns, but I don't take that extreme and powerful rage out on anyone else." The smile never left his face.  
  
"Right...." Mrs. Bates said, wanting to run away, but not being able to feel her legs. "Anywho, might this anger have to do with Harry Potter?"  
  
Voldemort let out a loud, shrill laugh. "Ha, Potter. Why would I feel any hate against Harry Potter?"  
  
"Because he didn't die when you tried to kill him. He took your power and left you as nothing more then a spirit." Mrs. Bates said, counting the reasons out on her fingers. "And aren't you still trying to kill him?"  
  
"Sure, but who isn't?" Voldemort asked with a laugh. Mrs. Bates looked rather frightened.  
  
"But, surly you have something against-" Mrs. Bates began.  
  
"Listen lady," Voldemort yelled angrily, his eyes bulging out of his head. "If all you want to talk about is Harry Potter, then you can leave. Because there is a Blues Clues marathon on RIGHT NOW! And I don't wanna miss it!!!"  
  
"But-" She began again.  
  
"Silence woman!!" Voldemort screamed, his eyes gleaming red. "Or I will beat you down with my handy dandy notebook!" He yelled, holding up a notebook he wrote down the clues from Blues Clues on.  
  
"If you'll just-" Mrs. Bates began. But before she could get out another word, Voldemort started to hit her on the head with his notebook. Well, Mrs. Bates would have none of that. So she grabbed the notebook from him, and threw it across the room.  
  
"You took my handy dandy notebook!" Voldemort screamed. "You know what I do when someone takes my handy dandy notebook, I kill them." He said with a sweet smile, whipping out his wand and yelling, "Avada Kedavra!"  
  
Mrs. Bates fell to the floor, dead. Voldemort smiled innocently, stepped over her body, and turned the TV back on.  
  
"Okay," Steve's sickeningly happy voice came from the television. "Why don't we go see Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper."  
  
"Wait Steve!" Voldie called to the TV. "Behind you! A clue! A clue!" Just as he was saying this, a little girls voice came through the TV and said the same thing.  
  
Steve looked behind him and saw a plate with a blue paw print on it. "So, what is this clue?"  
  
Before Voldie could open his mouth, the same little girl's voice from the TV said, "A plate!"  
  
"Stupid whore!" Voldemort yelled at the TV. "I was gonna say that." He pouted, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip.  
  
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A/N: There! The physiatrist is dead! Now I am FINISHED!!! Sorry if you didn't understand the Blues Clues thing, you kinda have to watch it to understand... not that I watch Blues Clues or anything. It's for babies... Oh, I havta go, Sesame Street is on! That Elmo cracks me up. 


End file.
